Things To Talk About Before Getting Engaged
So, you’re head-over-heels, floating on cloud nine, and picturing that sparkly ring on their finger. Awesome! Engagement is a huge, super-duper exciting step. But before you’re busy picking out china patterns and arguing over floral arrangements (spoiler alert: you will argue over floral arrangements), there are a few super-important, totally-not-boring chats you need to have. Think of these as the pre-game warm-ups for your marital marathon. Don't worry, it's not like a pop quiz; it's more like a really fun scavenger hunt for your future together!
First up, let’s talk about the big kahunas: Kids. Yep, the tiny humans who might one day be running around your house, leaving LEGOs in strategic, ankle-twisting places. Do you both dream of a bustling brood of seven? Or is the idea of one angelic offspring (who sleeps through the night, obviously) your ideal scenario? Maybe you’re both more of a “fur-babies only” kind of crew. Whatever your feelings, get them out in the open! Seriously, this isn’t the time for subtle hints or hoping they’ll magically read your mind. Imagine the horror of discovering after you’re hitched that your partner envisions a playpen filled with future scientists while you’re already practicing your lullabies for a lone, perfect pea.
Next on our "Let's Not Wing It" list is Money, Money, Money. Ah, the topic that makes even the most seasoned couples sweat. How do you see yourselves managing finances? Are you a “joint everything” kind of duo, pooling your resources like a pirate’s treasure chest? Or do you prefer a more “his and hers” system, with separate accounts and maybe a shared spreadsheet for big purchases? This isn't about judgment; it's about understanding. Are you a saver who meticulously plans for retirement like a squirrel hoarding nuts for winter? Or are you a spender who believes life’s too short to not buy that designer handbag right now? Be honest! Financial compatibility is basically the bedrock of a happy marriage. Trust me, arguing over who pays for the next pizza is way less fun than arguing over who’s responsible for the mortgage.
Now, let’s get a little… spiritual. Religion and Beliefs. This doesn’t mean you need to enroll in seminary together, but it’s good to know where each other stands. If you’re deeply religious and your partner is, well, not so much, how will you navigate holidays? What about raising future children? Even if you’re both on the same page religiously, there are nuances. Does attending church every Sunday mean a solemn, quiet affair, or a more lively, sing-along experience? Understanding these differences can save a lot of awkward Thanksgiving dinners down the line.
Then there’s the nitty-gritty of daily life: Chores and Responsibilities. Who’s going to be the designated dishwasher un-stacker? Will laundry day be a synchronized ballet or a solo performance? Be realistic! None of us are signing up for a lifetime of servitude, but a fair division of labor is crucial. Do you secretly love scrubbing toilets, or is the mere thought enough to make you break out in hives? Your partner likely feels the same way. Chatting about this beforehand can prevent resentment from building up like a forgotten pile of dishes. And hey, maybe you’ll discover a mutual hatred for vacuuming and can come up with a creative rotation system!
Let’s not forget about Family and Friends. Your partner comes with their own crew, and you do too! How involved do you want your extended families to be in your lives? Are you envisioning weekly Sunday dinners with the in-laws, or more of a “holiday-only” relationship? And what about your friends? Will your Friday night hangouts with your college buddies continue, or will they need to make way for couple’s nights? This isn't about picking sides; it's about understanding boundaries and expectations. Imagine your partner’s mom showing up unannounced every Tuesday with a casserole. It might sound sweet, but is it your idea of a peaceful evening? Open communication here is key to a harmonious blended social life.
And finally, the big one: Future Goals and Dreams. Beyond the immediate wedding plans, what are your long-term aspirations? Do you dream of traveling the world, starting a business together, or retiring to a quiet cottage by the sea? Are you both ambitious career climbers, or is work-life balance your top priority? Having a shared vision of your future, even if it’s a little fuzzy, can be incredibly powerful. It’s like building a roadmap together. You might have different detours in mind, but knowing the ultimate destination helps you stay on course. This is where you get to say things like, “I can totally see us becoming the eccentric old couple who trains squirrels to deliver our mail!”
These conversations might seem a bit serious, but they’re actually the secret sauce to a lasting, happy partnership. Think of them as investments in your future happiness. The more you talk now, the smoother things will be later. So, grab some snacks, settle in, and have some of these really important chats. Your future, ridiculously happy, (mostly) argument-free selves will thank you!