I Feel Like I Don't Deserve To Be Happy
Hey there, amazing humans! Let’s talk about that sneaky little voice in our heads that sometimes whispers, “You know what? I don’t think I deserve to be happy.” It’s like a tiny gremlin that pops up after a particularly good day, a promotion, or even just a really delicious slice of pizza. Suddenly, you’re scrutinizing every little thing, wondering if you somehow earned this moment of joy or if it’s just a cosmic oopsie.
You know the feeling, right? You’re basking in the glow of a compliment from your boss, or maybe your pet did something ridiculously cute that made you snort-laugh. Then, BAM! The gremlin chimes in, “Wait a minute. Did you really deserve that praise? You forgot to send that one email last week. This joy is clearly a mistake, and it’ll be taken away any second now.” It’s exhausting, isn't it?
This feeling is so common, it’s practically a club! We’re all members, some of us with gold-plated membership cards, others just peeking in. It’s like we’ve got a secret scorecard in our brains, and we’re constantly tallying up our perceived ‘flaws’ and ‘failures.’ And if the score isn’t perfectly zero, then happiness seems to be off the table.
Let’s imagine your ‘deservingness’ is a giant, fluffy cloud. For some of us, that cloud is permanently a bit grimy, like it spent a week stuck in a chimney. We think we have to scrub it spotless with a toothbrush made of pure virtue before we can even think about sunshine. Newsflash: nobody’s cloud is perfectly spotless all the time!
Think about your favorite fictional character. Maybe it’s Luke Skywalker, who makes a million mistakes before he finally gets his Jedi on. Or perhaps it’s Elizabeth Bennet, who’s pretty sharp but still totally misjudges Mr. Darcy. Did they pause and think, "Nope, I messed up that space battle, so no more saving the galaxy for me!"? Of course not! They tripped, they stumbled, and they kept going.
Our brains are just little supercomputers, and sometimes they get a little glitchy. They develop these quirky algorithms that say, “Good things happen to good people. And… uh… are you sure you’re good enough to be on that list?” It’s like having a tiny, overly critical librarian constantly checking out your ‘happiness library card.’
The truth is, happiness isn't a reward you have to earn through perfect behavior. It's more like air. You don't have to do a hundred push-ups to breathe. You just… breathe. And that’s exactly how joy should be. It’s a fundamental part of being alive, like tasting a good cookie or feeling the sun on your face.
Imagine you’re a puppy. Does a puppy ever think, "I chewed up a slipper today, so I don't deserve that belly rub"? Nope! They’re wagging their tail, ready for all the cuddles. We could all learn a thing or two from our furry friends. They’re masters of living in the moment and accepting love and joy with open paws.
Sometimes, we’re so busy looking for reasons why we don't deserve happiness, we completely miss the reasons why we do. You are a complex, beautiful, and wonderfully imperfect human being. You’ve navigated life’s crazy obstacle course, learned lessons, and grown. That in itself is pretty darn deserving, wouldn’t you say?
It’s like you’ve spent years building a magnificent sandcastle. Then, a tiny wave comes and washes away a small turret, and you’re convinced the whole castle needs to be demolished. But look at the rest of it! It’s still magnificent! The little imperfections are part of its story.
This whole ‘deservingness’ thing is often a big, fat fib that our minds tell us. It’s a defense mechanism, maybe. If we expect bad things, then good things feel like a surprise bonus, and we can handle the disappointment better, right? But it’s a bummer way to live.
What if we just decided, for today, to ditch the scorecard? What if we just allowed ourselves to feel good, without analyzing it to death? It’s like showing up to a party and, instead of worrying if you’re wearing the right outfit, you just start dancing. Nobody’s judging your dance moves that harshly, and you’re probably having a much better time.
Think of the people you admire. Do you only admire them when they’re perfect? No! You admire them for their resilience, their passion, their kindness, and their occasional moments of silliness or struggle. We love the whole, messy, beautiful package. So why can’t we extend that same grace to ourselves?
It's a bit like that feeling when you've been meticulously planning a perfect picnic, only to have a rogue gust of wind send your napkins flying. You don't then decide you've failed at picnicking forever. You just chase down the napkins and maybe laugh about it.
Our minds are constantly trying to protect us, but sometimes their protection methods are a little… over the top. They’re like a nervous guard dog who barks at the mailman and the friendly neighbor. We need to teach that guard dog that sometimes, it’s okay to just wag its tail.
Here’s a radical idea: What if happiness is just a side effect of living your life? What if it’s the scent that wafts up when you’re pursuing something you love, or spending time with people you care about, or even just enjoying a quiet moment? You don’t have to be ‘worthy’ of it. It just happens.
It’s like finding a really cool mushroom on a hike. You don’t need to prove you’re an expert mycologist to appreciate its weird and wonderful shape. You just see it, think “Whoa, cool mushroom!” and move on. Let’s be that person with the cool mushroom appreciation.
The next time that little gremlin starts up, try this: acknowledge it. Say, "Hey, I hear you, little buddy. You're worried I'm not good enough for this happiness. But you know what? I'm just going to enjoy it anyway. Deal with it, gremlin!"
We are all on our own personal journeys, filled with plot twists and unexpected detours. And guess what? Every single one of us deserves to enjoy the scenery along the way. You don’t need a special pass or a golden ticket. Just the fact that you’re here, breathing and experiencing life, is your ticket.
So, let’s make a pact. Let’s try to be a little kinder to ourselves. Let’s try to silence that inner critic just a tiny bit. Because you, yes YOU, are absolutely, unequivocally, and wonderfully deserving of every single speck of happiness that comes your way. Go forth and be joyfully undeserving! It's way more fun.
Remember, you’re not an algorithm that needs to be perfectly optimized for happiness. You’re a human being, and that’s way more magical and messy and beautiful than any computer program could ever be. So, go enjoy that good feeling! It’s yours.
Seriously, give yourself a break! You’re doing great, even when you think you’re not. And that’s more than enough to deserve a little sparkle in your life. Let the joy flood in, no permission slips required!