How To Get Revenge On An Ex (step-by-step Guide)
So, you’ve been dumped. Ouch. It stings, right? Your ex, that charming individual who once stole your fries, has moved on. And you? You’re left contemplating the profound injustice of it all.
Let’s be honest, sometimes a little payback feels… necessary. It’s not about being a bad person. It’s about restoring balance. Or maybe just having a good chuckle at their expense. This is your unofficial, slightly mischievous guide.
We’re not talking about anything illegal, of course. That would be a terrible idea. This is about strategic, lighthearted revenge. Think of it as a form of self-care, with a side of schadenfreude. Because you deserve to feel a little bit smug.
First things first: breathe. Deeply. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Picture your ex trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions. That’s the energy we’re channeling.
Step 1: The Great Unfollowing
This is your foundational move. It’s crucial. You need to cleanse your digital space. Think of it like decluttering your closet, but for your emotional well-being.
Head over to their social media. Yes, all of them. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, that obscure platform you never understood anyway. It’s time for the big purge.
Click that ‘Unfollow’ button with gusto. If you’re feeling particularly bold, you might even consider the ‘Block’ option. It's like a digital eviction notice. Poof! Gone.
This is not about hatred. It’s about regaining control. You don’t need to see their filtered selfies or their staged vacation photos. Their life is no longer your concern, at least not online.
Make it a ceremony. Put on some empowering music. Maybe some 80s power ballads. Sing along. Let the anger transform into glorious indifference.
Step 2: The Strategic Reminder
Now, for the subtle art of reminding them what they’re missing. This isn’t about desperation. It’s about effortless coolness. Like a perfectly brewed cup of coffee.
Start living your best life. And by that, we mean genuinely having fun. Go out with friends. Try that new restaurant. Take up a hobby that makes you feel amazing.
When you post about these adventures, make sure it’s natural. No tagging, no desperate pleas for attention. Just pure, unadulterated joy.
Your ex might stumble upon it. And when they do, they’ll see you thriving. They'll see you surrounded by laughter and good times. It's a gentle, yet firm, nudge to the ego.
Think of it as a carefully curated highlight reel of your post-breakup glow-up. They'll be left wondering if they made a terrible mistake. And that, my friend, is half the battle.
Step 3: The ‘Accidental’ Brag
This step requires a bit of finesse. It’s about planting seeds of doubt, disguised as innocent conversation.
If you happen to run into them, or if mutual friends are involved, casually drop a bomb. Something that makes them think, "Wow, they're doing really well."
For example, if they loved your cooking, mention how you’ve been experimenting with incredibly complex recipes. Perhaps a seven-course meal for a dinner party. Without them, naturally.
Or if they were always a bit jealous of your career, mention a recent promotion or a cool project you’re working on. Keep it brief. And always with a smile.
The key here is to be utterly believable. No exaggeration. Just a confident, casual mention of your successes. It’s not about rubbing it in their face, it’s about letting them see the light they’ve dimmed.
Step 4: The Playlist of Power
Music is a powerful tool. It can soothe, it can ignite, and it can definitely be used for a touch of revenge.
Create a playlist. Call it something innocuous, like "Good Vibes Only." But internally, you know its true purpose.
Include songs that make you feel strong and independent. Anthems of self-love and resilience. Think Beyoncé, Lizzo, Gloria Gaynor. You know the ones.
When you’re feeling down, put this playlist on. Sing at the top of your lungs. Dance like nobody's watching. Let the music remind you of your own worth.
And if, by some cosmic coincidence, your ex hears your playlist? Well, that’s just a bonus. They’ll be reminded of the fiery spirit they chose to leave behind. They’ll remember that you’re not one to be trifled with.
Step 5: The Ultimate Indifference
This is the final boss of ex-revenge. It’s the most potent weapon in your arsenal.
True indifference is a superpower. It means you’ve moved on. You’re so busy living your fabulous life that your ex has become a distant memory.
When you see them, or hear about them, you don’t feel a flicker of anger, sadness, or even curiosity. You just… don’t.
They could be walking down the street in a banana costume, and you’d barely bat an eye. Because your world is too full of exciting things to focus on their antics.
This takes time. It takes healing. But once you achieve it, your ex becomes utterly powerless against you. They’re just another person in the crowd. And that, my friends, is the sweetest revenge of all.
So go forth. Be fabulous. And remember, the best revenge is a life well-lived. And maybe a really good playlist.