My Little World - Piggie Tales
by Leslie Bauer -
November 13, 2009
The latest on Taft College's Piggie Pageant (an annual fund raiser in which ceramic piggy banks are decorated by different campus groups) is mayhem and subterfuge! As the number of contestants grows, so does the intrigue, mostly centering on Pignocchio's nose.
In a cheap attempt to sever ties to a known liar, Pignocchio's name was changed to "Pig-Nokio." Any fool can plainly see that Pig-Nokio is NOT Japanese. Duh! Next, his nose was "accidentally" broken by Carla Sandoval, requiring emergency rhinoplasty to further distance himself from his infamous relative. Does Nancy Stewart (Pig-Nokio's sponsor) expect the American public to be that gullible?
As soon as plastic surgery was announced, out of the woodwork crawled Dr. Hamit Hoggs, self-proclaimed spokes-pig for flu vaccinations and purportedly skilled in plastic surgery, having worked on "the King of Pop." Notice no name is specified. What's the big secret, Geoff Dunham? Are you referring to Michael Jackson or the President of Coca-Cola? (King of "Pop," get it?)
Pignocchio is not the only news-worthy pig. Where did the Transition to Independent Living (TIL) pig go? As you all remember, TIL won the Portliest Porker Prize last year, having collected more money than any rival pig, $129.03. (Top THAT! please!) Noticing TIL's lack of participation this year, this columnist rooted out the whole story.
According to Debra Ekdahl, it was "pignapped" from Krystal Keller's locked office. Later Ms Keller said the pig was taken on or about Oct. 23. No ransom was demanded. Keller sent a threatening memo to all TIL employees insisting on the pig's return. Nov. 2, a pig dressed in purple star-spangled pajamas and night cap was found on Keller's desk.
There is only one logical explanation: The TIL pig is a shape-shifter that transformed into a Student Learning Outcome document so that it could rest undisturbed (Taft College in-joke), then shifted back to its original form. I can think of no explanation for the purple pajamas.
The Piggie Pageant silent auction will take place on Friday, Nov. 13, in the Taft College Admissions Office foyer and end at noon. Proud owners may take their piggies home just after the awards ceremony which will follow.
The community is invited to attend.
In a cheap attempt to sever ties to a known liar, Pignocchio's name was changed to "Pig-Nokio." Any fool can plainly see that Pig-Nokio is NOT Japanese. Duh! Next, his nose was "accidentally" broken by Carla Sandoval, requiring emergency rhinoplasty to further distance himself from his infamous relative. Does Nancy Stewart (Pig-Nokio's sponsor) expect the American public to be that gullible?
As soon as plastic surgery was announced, out of the woodwork crawled Dr. Hamit Hoggs, self-proclaimed spokes-pig for flu vaccinations and purportedly skilled in plastic surgery, having worked on "the King of Pop." Notice no name is specified. What's the big secret, Geoff Dunham? Are you referring to Michael Jackson or the President of Coca-Cola? (King of "Pop," get it?)
Pignocchio is not the only news-worthy pig. Where did the Transition to Independent Living (TIL) pig go? As you all remember, TIL won the Portliest Porker Prize last year, having collected more money than any rival pig, $129.03. (Top THAT! please!) Noticing TIL's lack of participation this year, this columnist rooted out the whole story.
According to Debra Ekdahl, it was "pignapped" from Krystal Keller's locked office. Later Ms Keller said the pig was taken on or about Oct. 23. No ransom was demanded. Keller sent a threatening memo to all TIL employees insisting on the pig's return. Nov. 2, a pig dressed in purple star-spangled pajamas and night cap was found on Keller's desk.
There is only one logical explanation: The TIL pig is a shape-shifter that transformed into a Student Learning Outcome document so that it could rest undisturbed (Taft College in-joke), then shifted back to its original form. I can think of no explanation for the purple pajamas.
The Piggie Pageant silent auction will take place on Friday, Nov. 13, in the Taft College Admissions Office foyer and end at noon. Proud owners may take their piggies home just after the awards ceremony which will follow.
The community is invited to attend.
